pitythefool's blog

450hp MR2 Turbo for sale

Like an electrical connector from a Liverpudlian council estate....shameless plug:

My MR2 Turbo here 

Someone please buy my car, I used it to fight crime for the past 6 years but now it's time to move on (I don't fit into my tigerprint spandex pants anymore).

Dave not-Dave

I thought I'd tell you all about my barber....Dave.

Since moving to the south, I've seen a sharp rise in the cost of everyday items like hair removal, air, swiss muesli etc. I refuse to go to some 'hair salon' and pay a 5 figure sum for some college dropout who's called himself Miguel to remove hair from my head. As a result of my pikeyism© my hair is getting quite long and I'm starting to look like the mushroom character from MarioKart.

Which brings me on to Dave...I'm waiting to get my haircut by Dave. Now in my home town there are many barber shops (and brothels, some offering both services) but I've always had my hair cut by Dave. His shop (imaginatively titled 'Dave's') was like the land that time forgot. Every few years he'd pay some dodgy polish character to re-decorate, but the atmosphere was always the same. For £2 you could get a cut and blow (dry), be told why we should keep immigrants out and how the french are garlic sniffing reprobates by a chap who looked like an obese Christopher Walken..while all this was going on you got to watch a pirate video. I remember one time, he got on the subject of some middle eastern country...this got him so upset, he took 3 hours to cut my hair and I managed to watch the whole of BraveHeart.


TIP: Don't write to-do notes on the back of your hand with a silver nitrate pen...because seeing the words 'buy milk' for the next 70 years or so is not top of the pops.

What a weekend I had, still moving house with the help of my mum...now for all you car mechanics out there, when your car starts to make a rumbling noise..like driving on rumble strips on the motorway it's a sign that your wheel bearings are not feeling too well and if you continue much further (in my case with half a house in the boot) you will discover why the robin reliant has the third wheel in the middle.

Shakira CPC 464

Is it just me or does Shakira sound more and more like machine code?

I swear my old Amstrad CPC 464 (with green screen...perfect for playing snooker or pool...not) would do a perfect rendition of her latest drivel whilst loading Silkworm.

Aided by my gay lover, we sort of moved house at the weekend in a van that looked something like a cross between a brick and a rollerskate. I say sort of because there is still some stuff left, I mean we packed the van like level 10 Tetris masters but couldn't get all my other halfs bits in there, she's been suffering from cleptomania for over 10 years now and the doctor says it's terminal.

Last one done

At the weekend we moved into our new house, while I was exploring I decided to look in the loft incase there was any hidden treasures up there. It was huge...imagine the roof of the Gotham Cathedral at the end of Batman.

There were a few pens on the floor, a calender from 1993 and a shelf with random items. I had a look round the shelf and noticed on the wall behind, written into the plaster was a message that read 'last one done, cheerio brockham'. Which freaked me out a bit, I can only assume it was written by the builder of the house (from the 1920s), although a friend of mine thought it could be written by a serial killer or sex offender.


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